It Can Always Get Worse

I have learned over they years, at least where John is concerned, to never give ultimatums or speak in absolutes because he will undoubtedly prove me wrong.  For example, I once said we will never have 9 dogs.  A few short months after I made that vow, one of his females gave birth, and we had 11 dogs.  Now technically what I said was true.  We never had 9 dogs, but the meaning of my statement had definitely been subverted.  After many similar experiences, I should know better than to complain about a cow leg bone in the yard because it can always get worse.

John had been calling the local feedlot regularly looking for another bovine fatality to use as a food supplement for the pack.  When he finally got a call last Friday, he didn’t want to pass on the opportunity even though his schedule wouldn’t allow him to process the meat that day.  The weather turned much colder that night, and by the time he got started on Saturday, the steer was frozen solid so he made little progress other than skinning it.  Sunday was just as cold with a brisk south wind so he didn’t even make an attempt at carving the beast.

As with the leg bone, the cold weather made odor and pests a moot point.  However, a more discreet location for the carcass could also have solved the aesthetic issue.  Did the trailer really need to be parked in the driveway right in front of the house the entire weekend?  We have enough mounted heads, antlers, hides, and feathers to give our place a distinct Lord of the Flies atmosphere.  The only thing missing is a sign that says “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.”  Leaving the steer any distance from the house undoubtedly would have attracted coyotes and bobcats, but since it weighed 1300 pounds, I think we could share.  He did finally move the trailer over by the garage on Monday which made it about 20 feet further from the house.  Maybe he sensed my displeasure because I didn’t say a word about it.

The good news is that the weather is supposed to warm up over the next few days, and the steer will thaw enough to be cut into dog-sized portions.  I guess he could just leave it on the trailer and let the dogs eat what they want until it’s all gone.  Wait, I can’t believe I just said that.  It can’t get any worse than that, right?

7 Responses to “It Can Always Get Worse”

  1. Ginger says:

    I feel for you. We had a steer hanging from an oak tree in our driveway for a few weeks one winter (apparently the meat has to “age” for people to eat it).

    Headless, skinless, swinging by the heels from a chain, mom and dad thought that wrapping it in a pink/white striped bed sheet would make it less gruesome. And it kept the birds from pecking at the “suet.”

    The only saving grace for my teenage humility was that we lived so far deep in the hills that no one came by to see it (the bus pickup was 1/2 mile away at the other end of the driveway).

    Delightful.

  2. Mary says:

    Terri,

    You crack me up. And since I know you personally, I know all you write about is true!!! But NO ONE can make it funnier than you. Thank you for the laughs!

  3. Terri says:

    Oh, Ginger. We have even more in common than I imagined except we are experiencing them in reverse order. My childhood didn’t involve any of this stuff, and you got your “education” at an early age. You gotta love hillbillies!

  4. Terri says:

    Thanks, Mary. I’m glad my “Life with John” gives you a chuckle. Someone asked John if he knew about the blog. He said, “Yes, but I don’t read it. I don’t really care what she writes, and it’s certainly cheaper for her than therapy!”

  5. Bonnie says:

    Oh my Terri, you are a wonderful women. I love reading your blogs and like Mary says, we know they are true which makes them that much funnier. But, I still say you are a wonderful women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. ruth freeman says:

    I love your blogs!! and we have such wonderful memories…

  7. Terri says:

    Thanks, Ruth. Yes, we do have some good memories!

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