Men Are from Mars, John Is from OGLE-TR-56b

For those of you not versed in the latest news from the world of astronomy, OGLE-TR-56b is a recently discovered planet that is 30 times farther away than any previously discovered planet, so I think you see where I’m going with the title of the post.  In all things big and small, John interprets the world (and acts accordingly) from his own unique perspective.  As always, I have an example that proves my point.  The “incident” happened several months ago when I was late getting home from work one night, and John decided he would cook supper.  I walked into the house that evening and immediately detected an unusual cooking aroma coming from the stove.  John walked into the kitchen and as nonchalantly as possible I asked, “What are you making?”  Without an ounce of hesitation he proudly announced, “Pork and noodles!”  Now I am rarely at a loss for words, but this announcement rendered me speechless.  My mind was reeling as I struggled to construct an appropriate comment.  I didn’t want to say anything critical that might encourage his already legendary lack of help around the house, but I had to quickly discard one response after the other as they all started or ended with the popular slang term starting with W and ending with F.

Finally, I managed to say, “Where did you get that recipe?”  He blithely answered, “I didn’t have a recipe.  I just saw a pork roast in the refrigerator and some Reames egg noodles in the freezer, and I thought that sounded good.”  I swallowed my irritation and hoped that the $7.00 pork roast and $4.00 package of noodles was tastier than that.  I helped him get the rest of the meal prepared and put a moderate helping on my plate.  It didn’t look significantly different than chicken and noodles so I took my first bite with high hopes.  Bland doesn’t begin to describe the taste.  The meat was tough and the noodles quickly became inert wads of dough.  I silently finished my meal thinking of all the boneless grilled pork chops and barbecued pork sandwiches that would never grace our table.

After I’d finished cleaning up the mess created by his cooking debacle, John walked into the kitchen with his plate and said, “That wasn’t nearly as good as I thought it would be.”  Could I seriously be expected to ignore an opening like that?  I said, “How many times did your mother ever fix pork and noodles when you were a kid?”

“Never.”

“How many times have you ever had pork and noodles at someone’s house?”

“Never.”

“How many times have you ever seen pork and noodles on a menu in a restaurant?”

“Never.”

“Did you ever stop to ask if there was a reason for its apparent absence from everywhere on earth except our kitchen?”

“No.”

I walked from the kitchen shaking my head.  I know he means well, but I think the difference in atmosphere and gravity between earth and his home planet must leave him rather disoriented most of the time.

One Response to “Men Are from Mars, John Is from OGLE-TR-56b”

  1. […] rather than pork, in his entree, I have tangible evidence that he can learn from past mistakes (Men Are from Mars, John Is from OGLE-TR-56b).  However, he still experiences a misstep from time to time.  In fact, every time he cooks the […]

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