This morning John asked me to wash a load of laundry because he was out of winter socks. Some people might find it shocking that he is incapable of washing clothes himself, but that part of the statement didn’t faze me a bit. I have accepted the fact that he is domestically challenged and will probably never progress beyond doing an occasional load of dishes or an intermittent running of the vacuum cleaner. Women statistically outlive men so he has pretty good odds that he will never have to live independently anyway so it’s all good for now. The thing that surprised me was his claim that he was out of winter socks because I was pretty certain he wasn’t. I did a little investigating and quickly solved the mystery. It was just as I feared; we must have a ghost. (more…)
I have a friend who is a nudist. I don’t mean the “run from the shower wrapped in a towel to get clean underwear from the dryer” kind of nudist. She is a “never wears clothes around the house unless company is coming” kind of nudist. Since we both live in the country in fairly isolated spots, she often expresses her surprise that I don’t embrace that lifestyle as well. I told her I tried it one time, but I made the mistake of going outside, and we didn’t see the dogs for three days. She thought I was kidding. I’m not a prude by any means, and I believe we are all beautiful in our own way, but some of us are definitely more beautiful than others, especially sans clothing. However, a recent experience taught me that sometimes your best option is baring it all. (more…)
For almost six months, we were down to six dogs. In my opinion, six was still too many but better than the eight to ten dogs that usually call our place home. Even John had commented that the smaller pack size was more manageable. Did I detect a slight change in his attitude toward dogs? Then one day about two months ago, John asked me if I’d noticed anything unusual about Ruby, the female we kept from the unfortunate and unplanned mating between his coon dog, Nikki, and his bird dog, Jack. As Ruby ran across the yard, the image was almost more than I could comprehend. “How did she get pregnant?” I yelled. John said, “She dug a hole under the fence, and I found her in Razor’s pen one day, but it didn’t seem like anything had happened.” I wondered to myself (more…)
For a couple to experience long-term success in marriage, it’s critical that they share similar values and goals about the important things in life. John and I are the quintessential example of how opposites can co-exist as long as their views on money, religion, child rearing, and sex are compatible. Of those four areas, money has been the biggest challenge for us, but we have worked through most of our issues and arrived at a mutually acceptable place. At least that’s where I thought we were until John retired. For the last two years, it has become increasingly obvious that we are not on the same page. (more…)
As a miscreant youth, I was often admonished to “act your age.” I’m not sure I ever followed those instructions as a child or as an adult, and I often wonder when I will start to FEEL my age. Except for those occasions when I really over- exert myself and an old softball injury creates problems with my left knee, I can’t point to any differences between today and 30 years ago. I don’t take any medication, and as long as the activity doesn’t require a lot of flexibility, you can count me in. I have discussed this with several of my friends, and they share my feelings on the subject. I certainly don’t look the same, and I hope I have gained some wisdom and insight over the years that guide my actions, but I still FEEL exactly the same. Unless I roller skate. (more…)
There should be a rule against losing two lifelong companions in three weeks, but I’ve never been one to complain about the unfairness we inevitably encounter in life. Champ was born about six months before Sis so it wasn’t totally unexpected that their deaths would be in fairly close proximity, but two dogs in three weeks. Give me a break!!! Champ’s eventual demise was very gradual over the last two or three years with the last few weeks of his life taking a steeper decline. I was struggling tremendously with his end-of-life decision so I consulted some websites on pet euthanasia. All of them said I would know when the time was right, and I should delay my decision until I was sure. They gave a few examples of what might create a “right time” scenario, and Champ didn’t seem to fit any of them. I should have had more faith in him because he let me know without a doubt when he could no longer answer the bell, and he went out like a true Champion. (more…)
The recent heavy snows took a toll at our house. The sore muscles from shoveling the driveway numerous times to remove the 18+ inches of snow we received from back to back storms pales in comparison to the pain caused by the loss of our almost 16 year companion, Sis. So if you don’t believe pets become a part of your family, you can stop reading now. If you don’t think a devoted pet deserves a eulogy, this post isn’t for you. If you don’t think animals can teach people valuable lessons, just move along because there’s nothing to see here. If you think I can make this story humorous, you have more confidence in my writing skills than I do!
John had a couple of hunting dogs before Sis came along. He had an extremely athletic Brittany spaniel with an amazing nose for birds whose hyperactivity forced John to learn all about electronic training collars just to gain a small measure of control. He also had a German shorthair who couldn’t begin to find as many birds as the Brittany when they were hunting, but his unmitigated devotion to John was nothing short of amazing.
Lesson learned: Even extremely willful creatures can be taught, but you must first get their attention, and determination and sacrifice can overcome a lack of natural talent.
If you Google the word “accident-prone,” you don’t get John’s picture as the top hit, even though its inclusion would solidify the site’s reputation as the top search engine. Rather, you are directed to www.thefreedictionary.com/accident-prone where you find the following definition: Having or susceptible to having a greater than average number of accidents or mishaps. With or without that site’s confirmation, by anyone’s definition, John is an accident looking for a place to happen most of the time.
I recently announced to my co-workers that next year will be my last year as the director of the ESSDACK Learning Centers. I made the news public well in advance because I think that reduces angst and facilitates the transition for the new person. I have found such an awesome replacement that my main concern now is the short amount of time that will elapse before the staff is saying, “Terri who?” As a result of my announcement, I have had numerous e-mails and phone calls wishing me well and expressing surprise and displeasure regarding my early retirement. To those who were caught off guard by my decision, I simply reminded them of all John’s exploits that indicate he shouldn’t be home, or really anywhere, unsupervised.
John’s lack of handyman skills coupled with a strong tendency toward procrastination result in many small chores going undone for long periods of time (Getting Around to It). Occasionally he will fix something in a relatively short amount of time which is what happened last week when the handle on the screen door broke. In less than a week, he had made his repairs, but with John in charge, a speedy repair doesn’t necessarily mean he achieved the desired result. In fact, you never know what to expect when you live with a Hillbilly Handyman.
John’s ability to create unique solutions to a variety of problems is well-known among family and friends. He wanted a portable fire pit we could move to different locations, but he deemed the commercial chimineas he found over-priced and/or poorly constructed. The Hillbilly Handyman solution was to cut the end off a discarded propane tank and weld legs to it that he made from abandoned oilfield pipes. It is very functional if not entirely aesthetically pleasing, and we have used it quite a bit since he made it three years ago.